i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
