it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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