it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
