I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
