I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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