He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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