So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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