oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
