I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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