This is not my ceiling
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
