This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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