I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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