Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
