Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
