Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
