did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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