Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
