Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
