Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
