Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
