Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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