her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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