You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
