Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
