I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
