Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
