He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
