the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
