Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
