I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
