I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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