I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
