Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
