Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
