i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
