By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
