That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
