she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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