Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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