dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
