I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
