I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
