I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
