I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
