Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
