hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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