I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
