Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
