Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
