I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
