i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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