Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
