Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
